"Paper Wings"

One last thing I beg you please just before you go
I've watched you fly on paper wings halfway around the world
Until they burned up in the atmosphere and sent you spiraling down
landing somewhere far from here with no one else around
to catch you falling down
and I'm looking at you now

and I can't tell if you're laughing
between each smile there's a tear in your eye
there's a train leaving town in an hour
it's not waiting for you, and neither am I

"Swing for the fences, son" he must have told you once
but that was a conversation you took nothing from
so raise your glass now, lets celebrate exactly what you've done
just put off another day of knowing where you're from
you can catch up with yourself if you run...

and I can't tell if you're laughing
between each smile there's a tear in your eye
there's a train leaving town in an hour
it's not waiting for you, and neither am I

is this the life that you lead,
or the life that's lead for you?
will you take the road that's been laid out before you?
will we cross paths somewhere else tonight?
somewhere else tonight...

and I can't tell if you're laughing
between each smile there's a tear in your eye
there's a train leaving town in an hour
it's not waiting for you, and neither am I

Gamblers All 
By Charles Bukowski





sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think,
I'm not going to make it, but you laugh inside
remembering all the times you've felt that way, and
you walk to the bathroom, do your toilet, see that face
in the mirror, oh my oh my oh my, but you comb your hair anyway,
get into your street clothes, feed the cats, fetch the
newspaper of horror, place it on the coffee table, kiss your
wife goodbye, and then you are backing the car out into life itself,
like millions of others you enter the arena once more.

you are on the freeway threading through traffic now,
moving both towards something and towards nothing at all as you punch
the radio on and get Mozart, which is something, and you will somehow
get through the slow days and the busy days and the dull
days and the hateful days and the rare days, all both so delightful
and so disappointing because
we are all so alike and so different.

you find the turn-off, drive through the most dangerous
part of town, feel momentarily wonderful as Mozart works
his way into your brain and slides down along your bones and
out through your shoes.

it's been a tough fight worth fighting
as we all drive along
betting on another day.

I don't get many things
right the first time
in fact, I am told that a lot
now I know all the wrong turns —
the stumbles and falls brought me here

and where was I before the day
that I first saw your lovely face
now I see it everyday
and I know

that I am, I am
I am the luckiest

what if I'd been born
fifty years before you
in a house
on the street where you lived
maybe I'd be outside
as you passed on your bike,
would I know?

and in a wide sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
and I know

that I am, I am
I am the luckiest

I love you more than I have
ever found a way to say to you

next door there's an old man
who lived into his nineties
and one day passed away in his sleep
and his wife, she stayed
for a couple of days and passed away

I'm sorry I know that's a
strange way to tell you
that I know we belong
that I know

that I am, I am
I am the luckiest

Be my distraction.

I'm not crazy. I try to always follow my heart, and my instincts. I have no idea what my future holds, but I am not going to sit around and wait for it to find me. I don't want to look back on my life and regret a single thing. So I am flying across the country to see the one who holds my thoughts. I have no expectations other than to spend a few short days being happy with a truly amazing person. That's all you can really want out of life, a few short moments of happiness scattered in a life of normalcy.

Its way to hot to live.

Ah, all i want is a good rain storm. Good weather makes me sad. 

I'm having mixed feelings about just about every part of my life. There is nothing im sure about right now and thats driving me crazy. I know waht I want out of life I'm just not sure about how to get it. All i know is that if I keep waiting for someone to show me it will never happen. SO for once in my life im going to put everything out there. 

The heat is getting to me, I think im going to go and take a nap in the shower, lets hope i dont drown.